For 11 years people at Home Energy have bugged me to write a "home performance poem" because they know I am a poet as well as an editor. Well, it finally happened. I participate in a writing group and the last time we got together we decided as an exercise to write about something we have never written about before. Hope you like it!

 

Ode to a Home Performance Contractor

 

My name is House. I stood before you empty

and foreclosed upon. Despite the spray foam and

the dense pack, there was thermal bridging. I took

little comfort in my rain screen

 

and ceaselessly prayed on my knee wall.

From stem wall to ridge vent

I bled heat. In the winter there were ice dams.

Damn ice! Damn ice dams!

 

Then, my albedo meant nothing.  

It helped only the clouds, if there were clouds.

The carbon of my despair

raised Earth’s temperature. This is real

 

you deniers, you Sons of Birches!

Simpson Strong Tie you up! Chinese drywall you!

Dust mite smite you! I wish you

exacerbated asthma and frequent trips

 

to the Emergency Room for your primary care.

As the snow melt poured into my gutters

there was no gentle slope away

from my foundation, no proper

 

drainage and the dew point was above

ambient temperature. I can’t handle

the moisture. Oh the mold!

Oh the humidity!

 

But you came with your blower door

and your Duct Blaster; your flow hood

and infrared camera. My love,

you sealed my bypasses, dressed my walls

 

in R-38. You completed

both my pressure and my thermal boundaries.  

You established my drainage plane

and taught me to dry to the outside.

 

You taught me passive survivability.

We don’t need no stinking grid!

You charged the batteries

in my CO monitors.

 

You ravished me

with your thorough energy audit.

You had me

at Recommended Measures.

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