For 11 years people at Home Energy have bugged me to write a "home performance poem" because they know I am a poet as well as an editor. Well, it finally happened. I participate in a writing group and the last time we got together we decided as an exercise to write about something we have never written about before. Hope you like it!
Ode to a Home Performance Contractor
My name is House. I stood before you empty
and foreclosed upon. Despite the spray foam and
the dense pack, there was thermal bridging. I took
little comfort in my rain screen
and ceaselessly prayed on my knee wall.
From stem wall to ridge vent
I bled heat. In the winter there were ice dams.
Damn ice! Damn ice dams!
Then, my albedo meant nothing.
It helped only the clouds, if there were clouds.
The carbon of my despair
raised Earth’s temperature. This is real
you deniers, you Sons of Birches!
Simpson Strong Tie you up! Chinese drywall you!
Dust mite smite you! I wish you
exacerbated asthma and frequent trips
to the Emergency Room for your primary care.
As the snow melt poured into my gutters
there was no gentle slope away
from my foundation, no proper
drainage and the dew point was above
ambient temperature. I can’t handle
the moisture. Oh the mold!
Oh the humidity!
But you came with your blower door
and your Duct Blaster; your flow hood
and infrared camera. My love,
you sealed my bypasses, dressed my walls
in R-38. You completed
both my pressure and my thermal boundaries.
You established my drainage plane
and taught me to dry to the outside.
You taught me passive survivability.
We don’t need no stinking grid!
You charged the batteries
in my CO monitors.
You ravished me
with your thorough energy audit.
You had me
at Recommended Measures.