For 11 years people at Home Energy have bugged me to write a "home performance poem" because they know I am a poet as well as an editor. Well, it finally happened. I participate in a writing group and the last time we got together we decided as an exercise to write about something we have never written about before. Hope you like it!

 

Ode to a Home Performance Contractor

 

My name is House. I stood before you empty

and foreclosed upon. Despite the spray foam and

the dense pack, there was thermal bridging. I took

little comfort in my rain screen

 

and ceaselessly prayed on my knee wall.

From stem wall to ridge vent

I bled heat. In the winter there were ice dams.

Damn ice! Damn ice dams!

 

Then, my albedo meant nothing.  

It helped only the clouds, if there were clouds.

The carbon of my despair

raised Earth’s temperature. This is real

 

you deniers, you Sons of Birches!

Simpson Strong Tie you up! Chinese drywall you!

Dust mite smite you! I wish you

exacerbated asthma and frequent trips

 

to the Emergency Room for your primary care.

As the snow melt poured into my gutters

there was no gentle slope away

from my foundation, no proper

 

drainage and the dew point was above

ambient temperature. I can’t handle

the moisture. Oh the mold!

Oh the humidity!

 

But you came with your blower door

and your Duct Blaster; your flow hood

and infrared camera. My love,

you sealed my bypasses, dressed my walls

 

in R-38. You completed

both my pressure and my thermal boundaries.  

You established my drainage plane

and taught me to dry to the outside.

 

You taught me passive survivability.

We don’t need no stinking grid!

You charged the batteries

in my CO monitors.

 

You ravished me

with your thorough energy audit.

You had me

at Recommended Measures.

Views: 133

Comment

You need to be a member of Home Energy Pros to add comments!

Join Home Energy Pros

Home Energy Pros

Home Energy Pros was founded by the developers of Home Energy Saver Pro (sponsored by the U.S. Department of Energy,) and brought to you in partnership with Home Energy magazine.

Latest Activity

Profile IconVictor Couto, Melvin Calahan, Mike Burton and 1 more joined Home Energy Pros
1 minute ago
Steven Lewis replied to Christopher Talarico's discussion Heating with Tankless Water Heater & Hydronic Air Handler vs. Gas Furnace
"It looks better on paper than in real life applications.  Both Amana and Lennox came out with…"
17 hours ago
Dennis Heidner replied to Christopher Talarico's discussion Heating with Tankless Water Heater & Hydronic Air Handler vs. Gas Furnace
"Rinnai has application note on how to use their tankless hot water heater with a Rinnai water to…"
yesterday
Hal Skinner replied to Hal Skinner's discussion How much heat energy is lost through the floor of a house?
"I found the buildingscience article interesting.  Interesting that they noted the wet bottom…"
yesterday
Bud Poll replied to Hal Skinner's discussion How much heat energy is lost through the floor of a house?
"With conduction that ends at the bottom of the joists and convection that is naturally suppressed…"
yesterday
Hal Skinner replied to Hal Skinner's discussion How much heat energy is lost through the floor of a house?
"Good morning Bud, Took a quick look at the site and a couple others listed on the Yahoo…"
yesterday
Bud Poll replied to Hal Skinner's discussion How much heat energy is lost through the floor of a house?
"Hi Hal, Search "Basecalc basement heat loss".  From memory Canada (nrcan) has/had a…"
yesterday
Michael Dunseith posted photos
Saturday

© 2014   Created by Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service